‘A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.’ – Mignon McLaughlin (American journalist and author)
‘Who,’ you may be asking, ‘gets married in the UK in November?’
That, I have to own, would be us back in 1987. It was cold and it was gloomy but we didn’t care.
We’ve just celebrated 38 glorious years of marriage, and it’s been a fantastic adventure. Really. Apparently this landmark doesn’t have a particular name but search engines inform me that it can be marked by Beryl or Tourmaline gem stones. Investigation shows that these are both colourless in their purest forms; it’s the impurities that give it colour.
Therein lies an illustration for marriages in every generation, I suspect. So much more than a legally binding contract or a piece of paper filed away in a dusty office somewhere, marriage is what happens when two imperfect people decide to share their lives and their years together. It’s a culture clash of cataclysmic proportions and a daily challenge if the participants truly wrestle with laying their own needs and preferences aside in order to prefer the other.
The wedding service performed in churches every weekend points out that marriage is an illustration of how Christ loves the Church (that’s the worldwide family of God rather than buildings, traditions or rituals). That love is unconditional, unmerited, unending and unfailing. It’s also foundational. Can we replicate that for someone else? I seriously doubt it. However, the Bible is clear that Jesus gave His life for those who put their hope and trust in Him; it’s always been intended as a vibrant, life-filled relationship – just like marriage.
I maintain that one of the advantages of getting older and, obviously, being married longer, is that we have more stories to tell of the life we’ve lived together. This year, we spent time together reviewing our journey from those first dates in the 1980s to the present day. We recalled places we’ve lived, people we’ve worked with, friends we’ve crossed paths with and adventures we’ve enjoyed. Just recalling them has been a celebration in itself.
‘Remember how we had no money for a honeymoon and someone gifted us a cheque specifically for that?’ ‘How about the ‘random’ way we found that house to rent in Winchester?’ ‘Wasn’t it funny when we ‘just so happened’ to bump into that guy we needed to meet at a petrol station?’ ‘Remember how we went to stay with an old school friend in Southport but didn’t know his address, and then we saw him driving round a roundabout and followed him? What are the chances?!’
Every one of our children is a walking miracle. Revisiting the memories of their births and home comings was a joyful experience all over again.
We’ve travelled to places I never expected to visit and have stories from Africa to make your hair stand on end.
One of the reasons I take so many photos is to remind me of times past; of where we were when and with who. Retelling stories, stretching our memory muscles as we look back has been great fun. I am confident that one of the main ingredients for a marriage apart from the foundational shared values that lasts is the gift of being able to laugh together. Whatever else we lose in terms of ‘stuff’ or health, I hope we never lose that.
Looking back has been special, but we’re looking ahead too. Great believers in, ‘the best is yet to come’ or, ‘saving the best wine ’til last’, we’re wondering what 2026 has in store. While I don’t expect to make another 38 years (which would take me to the borders of my own century), I am grateful that we took the plunge in 1987 and that he’s stuck with me through thick and thin.
We used to listen to a song with the lyrics: Love is not a feeling, it’s an act of the will. It’s certainly a choice, and we either make it daily – even hourly! – or we opt out. I’m glad he chose me and I chose him. We’ve grown up, mellowed, changed and matured. We’re not the same people we were. I know we’re better versions of those people today. I’m glad too that we’re still making that choice with a firm foundation that’s weathered storms in the past and will doubtless do so again.
Happy Anniversary to us!
[Images from Unsplash & Pixabay; wedding photo, my own]
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