dancingthroughchaos

‘Airplane travel is nature’s way of making you look like your passport photo.’ – Al Gore

The last several years have seen me put in some mileage around the globe.  I’ve been through airports in five continents and clocked up a reasonable store of experience, travelling hither and yon.  

I think this gives me some credibility when it comes to travel tips and, in case you’re still anticipating your own August break, I thought I’d share some with you here as a smorgasbord of delights; feel free to pick and choose.

1. Make sure your passport is up to date if you’re travelling abroad.  You need a minimum of six months validation on it from your return date, not from the date your break begins. It makes a difference!
2. Security is no joke.  We’re all glad it’s there, so be prepared,  Some airports no longer need a sealed transparent bag of liquid items (not exceeding 100mls each). But others still do, so either make sure you know which it is or be on the safe side and package them up anyway.
3. The same is true for laptops and electrical goods.  Most recently I was told I didn’t need to take the laptop out of it’s case, but better to be prepared.  This applies to Kindles/e-readers, phones, and i-pads too, which means any juggling skills you’ve ever learnt will now come in handy.
4. You may be asked to remove your belt, coat, shoes/boots as well, so make sure your socks are relatively presentable. Remember what you took off in order to put it all back on again.  Trust me, many an item has been left behind at this point to the mild interest of staff.
5. Don’t panic if you set off the scanner beeper.  You may have wire in your bra or a coin in your pocket, in which case you’ll be patted down, or scanned with something like a cross between a glorified magic wand and a shoe horn.  You won’t feel a thing except mild embarrassment.
6. You’ll probably have to wait until your gate is called unless you’ve been unfortunate enough to already wait in an eye-wateringly long queue at security and are now hot-footing it through the airport like the McCallister family in Home Alone.  Snacks and coffee are your friend whether bought from home or the airport outlets.  Since you’ll probably require more than 100mls of coffee, it’s best to select liquid refreshment options from the options available.
7. Airports don’t generally make announcements anymore, apart from the ones about keeping an eye on your luggage and not letting children play on the trolleys or escalators, so keep an eye on those information screens.
8. If your gate is miles away, allow enough time to get there but bear in mind that you’ll probably have to wait all over again.  Ensure you have a good book and a fully charged phone since competition for charging stations is fierce.
9. It makes absolutely no difference what the airline announcement says, as soon as anyone in appropriate uniform looks as though they may open the gate for the plane, the crowd will rise as one and pile into a disorderly queue.  Unless you have priority status (small children, wheelchair or business class ticket – I wish!) you will have to wait all over again.  If you’re fortunate, the person who checked you in may be on duty at the gate and exchange light banter.  More probably an atmosphere of mild boredom or ill restrained irritation will accompany this process from both passengers and staff.
10. The smart traveller has their own earphones.  Thanks to economic squeezes, most airlines no longer supply natty packs of socks, ear plugs and sleep masks, even on long haul flights.  You will have to supply your own or manage without.
11. Entertainments systems vary enormously on different carriers.  Short haul flights may not offer anything at all, so provide your own or settle down for a power nap.  All that waiting tires you out. My own review would be that Emirates offer far and away the best selection of films, TV series and music options.  Alternatively, enjoy the exploits of babies and small children unless they are your own and are screaming blue murder.
12. As above but for food.  Not so long ago, I had a despicable offering that purported to be sausage and mash with the same sausages appearing in the rather congealed breakfast.  I don’t think I’ve eaten one since.  Good luck.
13. It’s a good idea to pack wet wipes, tissues, moisturiser and lip balm.  The air on planes will almost certainly dry your skin out and no-one wants to begin their holiday looking like a desiccated husk of anything.
14. Those neck cushions that are supposed to help you sleep may not.  Some are a variation on concrete; others are so floppy they provide zero support.  You may well wake (if indeed you sleep at all) with the mother of all headaches induced by neck and shoulder pain thanks to said pillow.  Ensure you have some paracetamol or equivalent handy.
15. Hydration is key, so try and resist the alcohol trolley and top up with good old H2O.
16. Book an aisle seat if you want to a) get out to go to the loo more than once (depends on the length of your trip, your commitment to hydrate, the capacity of your bladder, number of children birthed etc) or b) follow the accepted guidance on getting up and moving to improve your circulation.  I am now the resigned owner of special socks that claim to work against blood clots and I also take aspirin to thin my blood slightly (check with a doctor, don’t rely on me on this!).
17. When you collect your luggage at your destination, please ensure it really does belong to you.  Suitcases can look deceptively similar to one another.  I once picked up the wrong bag and only discovered my error half way home.  Sorting it out is a major hassle.  Tie a ribbon, sticker or easily identifiable label on yours that won’t come off in transit.
18. Should your luggage not arrive at all, make sure you have the tag/sticker they gave you when you checked in. This is what they use to trace it. One of mine went astray this trip but we were reunited 36 hours later and all was well.
19. Now we’ve all got phones, very few people send postcards anymore. However, letting your loved ones know you arrived safely is still appreciated and won’t steal more than a few seconds from your break away.
20. Whatever else you pack, ensure that it includes your sense of humour. You’ll need it. Everything else you can probably purchase at your destination unless you’ve inadvertently booked for a fortnight in Mogadishu or Monrovia.

Happy travels and happy holidays!

[All imaged from Unsplash]